How to Become the Best Birth Partner

Have you or your birth partner talked about ways they will support you during labor?

If you’ve been wondering about birth partner support, then get out a pen and paper, this video is for you! 

Things you will learn in this video:

• Your role in labor

• Mom’s primal brain and the importance of boosting oxytocin during labor

• Techniques for grounding mom

• … and a whole lot more!

Being a birth partner is one of the most important roles you can have!

Don’t take this job lightly! I just gave birth to my first child 6 months ago and my husband was my birth partner. I relied on him SO much! He was my rock and the person I leaned on for physical and emotional support. Just knowing he was by my side and cheering me on made all the difference!
My main role as a doula is supporting mom through labor and delivery, but also coaching and educating dad (or whoever mom chooses as her birth partner) on the best ways to do this as well. As the birth partner, you are moms main support person and should feel confident in this role. 

So for the birth partner… here are my top 5 tips to become the best support during labor and birth:

1. Educate Yourself

Do not wing this! Preparing yourself beforehand on how birth works and what to expect are so important. Here are some important topics and examples to educate yourself on: female anatomy (how the pelvis works pertaining to birth), birth from a physiological standpoint including birth hormones and the natural child birth process, your own fears, and unwanted or unexpected situations and interventions so you can make informed decisions. 

Go to birth classes, make moms birth plan with her and then double check that you understand it,  practice and know comfort measures and pain management techniques that she is interested in so you are prepared when the time comes to really do these things! Some great pain management and comfort measures to go over are counter pressure like hip squeezes, massage, shower/tub, tens unit machine,using hot or cold wash cloths on the forehead, back of the neck, or lower back, and use of a labor comb! 

2. Know your Role in Labor

Your only job while mom is in labor and giving birth is to support her, whatever that may look like for her. It’s so important to know that mom does not need saving. She can do it, she just needs you to believe in her! It can be super uncomfortable and nerve wracking to see your partner in so much pain. She will probably be making noises you’ve never heard her make before, asking for help or saying she can’t do this, and/or telling you how much pain she's in. During this, stay level headed and know she is okay, remember the birth plan, utilize comfort measures, and support her emotionally! 

Another good tool in making sure you can be the best support for mom, is to check your head space before she is in labor. Address your own fears, the unknown can be so scary! If your fears and worries start to seep into your labor support, you will do mom a disservice by not being fully mentally available for her. Don’t let your own panic or uncomfortableness show, focus on being calm, cool, and collected for mom. 

3. Keep Mom in her Primal Birthing Brain

Once active labor is going, its normal for mom to really get into her zone- aka her primal birthing brain. It is SO important to keep mom here and not take her out of it. One of the best ways you can do this is by keeping her oxytocin levels high. You might know oxytocin as the love or the feel good hormone, but this also plays a huge role in labor! Some fun facts about oxytocin is that it stimulates the contractions that help thin and dilate the cervix, moves baby down and out of the vagina, releases the placenta, and limits bleeding at the site of the placenta. Boost oxytocin by making sure mom feels safe, happy, and loved. You know mom best! Laugh with her, kiss her, make her feel loved and supported! You can also set the environment- dim or turn off the lights, get essential oils going, turn on her birth playlist or hypnobirthing, whisper, and make sure there are minimal distractions. 

You can also start to anticipate moms needs and don’t ask her questions. Don’t make her think of what to do next and how to bring down pain levels, just start offering your support. Get cold washcloths or a fan if she seems hot, tell her after her next contraction you’re going to help her move to the shower or get into a different position, etc. If you think mom needs water, don’t ask her, just bring her water with a straw in it. If she wants the water, she will take it, and if she doesn’t, she won’t. Sometimes it's as simple as that, lol! 

4. Be a Mirror

Mom will follow your lead during labor- if you are calm and collected, most likely mom will follow that too. Watch your body language- make sure you relaxed and fluid because mom will mirror you. Utilize breathwork and just breathe with her. Have her match your pace, count breaths with her, just make her aware of her breathing. This can be one of the most helpful techniques during labor! Here are some examples if she needs to follow- “Deep breath in, count to 4, exhale, 4, 3, 2, 1” & make sounds with breath “hee” on inhale and “hoo” on exhale to give mom something to focus on.

There might come a point in labor (usually during transition) that mom needs grounding. A good way to do this is a firm touch (like a squeeze on her forearm), look her in the eyes, and tell her she’s safe and reassure her that you are there with her. Making eye contact while breathing with her can also be helpful here.

As you are relaxing and want mom to mirror you, you might also need to verbally tell her to relax. But, make sure to be specific here! Don’t tell her to just “relax”, instead be specific about it and encourage her!. Here are some examples of things to say: “Drop your shoulders, release your jaw, loosen forehead”, “Don’t fight the surge, embrace it”, “Breathe in peace, exhale tension”, “You can fall apart. I got you”, “You can do this, I believe in you”, “I am so proud of you”, “Your body knows what to do”, “Relax your butt”, “Open, relax, and release”. 

5. Advocate

Get comfortable with asking questions and saying no to interventions. Mom is going to be in the middle of labor and relying on you to advocate for her and her wishes. Discussing with her potential interventions and their benefits or risks in between contractions is just not going to happen. This will get mom out of her primal brain, drop oxytocin levels, and will most likely just be impossible as mom is going through labor. 

This brings me back to tip number 1- educate yourself so you can make informed decisions. Some common interventions are pitocin to speed up labor, manually breaking mom’s water, cervical exams, IV fluids, and most of the time, none of these are medically necessary! Ask why, and if it’s not medically necessary, then it’s okay (and you should) say no. 

If you felt this information was helpful…

Join my email list and get my free birth partner support guide where I guide you through how to support mom during each stage of labor, give you labor positions to help mom in, and give sample comfort measures and relaxation prompts. 

PS!

If you’d rather watch my YouTube video where I explain each of these tips- here’s the link. Don’t forget to subscribe!

Thank you for reading/watching!! :)

- Caitlyn